-wiped approximately 6,492 snotty noses
-changed lots and lots of diapers
-pumped over 500oz of milk for other mamas’ babies
-weaned 1 toddler
-lost her patience at least 27 times
-apologized at least 65 times
-done a likely 21 loads of laundry
-folded and put away ~2 loads of that laundry
-gone to therapy 6 times
-been back to work for 23 days
-convinced herself not to quit her job at least 24 times
-spent 26.7 hours commuting
-spent an estimated total of 11 hours struggling to get dressed
-felt hopeless probably 47 times
-experienced 1 spiritual revival
-is currently going through 1 crisis of purpose
-decided anyone who believes 16 weeks of paid parental leave is generous is ABSOLUTELY FREAKING NUTS AND OUT OF TOUCH AND CRUEL CRUEL CRUEL.
I know I’m pretty vocal on social media about how I feel about these things. In fact, I think I’m pretty vocal about it in person, too. I think a lot of people are probably one more post away from muting my profile because they’re sick of hearing about it. But like, I’m not sharing all of this because I think it’s a fun topic of conversation. I want to share this shit so others who feel alone in it know that there’s actually an army behind them. And I want to share it so YOU JOIN THIS FREAKING ARMY. I don’t want just your likes and comments. I WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I’m a white woman who received semi-compensated leave for a couple of months, who has a freaking excellent support system that has done so much for me in this season and I’M STILL FREAKING L O S I N G I T.
It is absolutely no wonder at all whatsoever our maternal mortality rate is the highest of all developed countries, and that Black mothers die at 5x the rate of their white peers. Don’t bury your head. Don’t tell yourself that you do the best with what you have. Don’t convince yourself we deserve what we get because we chose to reproduce knowing the circumstances. Dreams and families and stability and legacy SHOULD NOT ONLY BE AVAILABLE TO THE RICH. Sacrifice isn’t a badge of honor. WE CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER.
Here are some next steps:
-Give generously to ROOTT
-Tell your representatives that the way we demonstrate value in this country is with money, then tell them you want to see them value caretakers.
-Lose faith in this system and fight for a better one.
-Show up for your people, in all seasons of life. (More on that later.)
-Tell a mama that you’re proud of them.
-Talk to your employer about paid leave.
-And to the 2.37 white men who follow me and pay attention to what I say, negotiate paid leave when you are job searching — if y’all were doing your part and using your social capital, the fight would be over by now.
